Too Deep?

I spend a lot of time with God when I am involved in a Bible study or discipleship. I have homework to do or a lesson to prepare and I enjoy spending that time in the word. Then we have a 2 week break between Bible studies or there is a season where I am not involved and I suddenly realize its been 4 days (most of the time weeks) since I've even cracked my Bible. I was thinking yesterday, why do I do this? I really love learning and exploring God's Word. So why aren't I more diligent? Yesterday I realized it was because I was scared of going Deeper.

You might be thinking, "Why in the world is she scared?" or you are nodding your head in agreement... 

 I've always been a skeptic. I've also observed a lot of 'church people' in my 22 years as a Christian. (Yes I was 4) The people that I thought of as 'Deeper' always seemed to bug me. Announcing how many hours they spend in prayer a day. Or using to many Christian-eese terms. Or not being able to say one sentence without some sort of reference to themselves and their relationship to God. And they seem to push their convictions on to you! I can't stand hearing this sort of talk! It seems so self-righteous, self-centered, and well... just SELF!

Guess what I realized!? Those are personality flaws. Not a result of going deeper into a relationship with God. Our relationship is suppose to be PERSONAL! Not broadcast to anyone within listening distance. Not posted as your facebook status. And not rubbed in the face of people 'less deep'. Now I am all for sharing what God is doing in your life. But there is a difference between trying to portray yourself as deep and being deep. 

Oh and plus, what about the stuff I'll have to give up! I mean you can't try incorporate God in every part of your life then put him on pause at 8 p.m. because your favorite show is on. What if he doesn't approve? I've found that when I am going deeper into the word and what God has for me, I don't want to watch that show anymore. Read that magazine, or talk about that kind of stuff. I don't miss it! I know some things will require sacrifice, but so far it hasn't been something I'm overly attached to. Someday soon that will change. I'm sure of it.  

So I am not going to assume that I will start talking in Thee's and Thou's. I will take that leap. I will on a spiritual journey. I won't bore you in Sunday School with how awesome I am. I won't post every triumph over sin as my Facebook status. I will keep my personal relationship personal. If you notice a change in me for the better, that is wonderful. But I don't want to APPEAR deeper. I want to be deeper.

Lets Get Real People!

I am so DONE with excuses. Excuses for sin. Excuses for the reason why we sinned. Have you made excuses for yourself? Excuses for your spouse, kids, etc. I have. Madison didn't get enough sleep or Kenadi just misses her daddy and my favorite, Sydney is too young to know any better.

Why isn't this ok? Let me spell it out for you. Personal Responsibility. When you decide to call Sin something other than what it is, you are taking away personal responsibility. I've heard liars called 'dramatic'. I've heard people who stir up distention for personal gain are 'well meaning'. I've heard gossip called 'prayer requests', information, just girl talk. I've heard marital affairs blamed on the spouse who was cheated on. Oh yes this was at Churches. We are no different from 'The World' when we don't take responsibility for our actions.

How hard is it to say to someone, 'I don't need to know that'. Or 'I don't think that is true'. SUPER HARD! But man oh man is it effective! Call Sin, Sin! Gossip = Sin. Lying = Sin. Cheating of any kind = Sin. Be bold about this! This isn't a gray area. We just like to pretend it is by calling it something less ugly.

So here is my most favorite question about this subject: Why is Church Discipline reserved for 'Serious Sin'? If you were lying about someone at church and the Pastor called to talk to you about it would you keep on lying? If you were gossiping to a friend and she said to stop, would you? Even if it was just between friends, would you be brave enough to say 'Enough' to someone? Matthew 18:15-17 (below) outlines Church Discipline and it starts with a one on one conversation. It also says nothing about degrees of sin. 

I think we don't address stuff this because we don't want to hurt peoples feelings. Or those people are major contributors to the church, they are better than they use to be, or whatever reasons we can come up with for dodging confrontation. Have you ever seen a church 'Run' by a family or families? Have you seen people pushed out the doors of a church because they offended the wrong person? If the church wasn't so dysfunctional, sin wouldn't be sitting in the front row on Sunday. No body of believers will be perfect because it is made up of imperfect humans. 

But let us not be tolerant of these things. 

Sin is sin. No excuses.

Matthew 18:15-17

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.¹⁷ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

After All Is Said and Done

We all sin. And since I believe we can't stop sinning until we arrive at Heaven's Gate, we'll deal with it for our whole life.  Sin is a choice. You could argue with me and have some valid points, but for the most part I think Sin is a choice. But what happens after that choice has been made, after the sin has been committed?

Conviction sets in! Conviction is the holy spirits way of letting us know we were WRONG! Do you feel your's anywhere? I feel mine in my stomach. I can't eat. I feel horrible and don't recover for days even after amends have been made.

Now what?! Well obviously we need to admit we were wrong. We might need to apologize to someone and talk to the Lord about what we've done. Seek forgiveness. Hard enough for you? YES! Next: Do Not Wait! Unconfessed sin is a toxic poison to us! It turns regular people into paranoid wackjobs! It comes between us and The Lord and our relationships. I'm sure you've seen it affect familes, jobs, and churches. So do it! Be quick about it!  After forgiveness is given everything goes back to normal right?

Not always. Sometimes our sins are more complicated and they affect us and our relationships for a period of time. Sometimes, even though we've been forgiven, the consequences are waiting. Would your kids be glad to know that discipline happens to adults? Not usually in the form of a spanking or grounding, but it surely happens.

Then (sometimes) comes something I'll call 'post op' guilt. We've been forgiven. We've dealt with the consequences. We've moved on. Then one day Satan says 'yeah you aren't over that'. 'You aren't forgiven'. Have you even lived with this 'post op' guilt? I have. For years! I was crippled by it! This 'post op' guilt affects relationships and it can affect our time with God. When we believe Satan's lies we can be just as crippled as if we hadn't of sought forgiveness in the first place!

The whole point comes down to this: Camp on Forgiveness. Stay there as long as you need to. Daily reminders of forgiveness instead of daily confessions of the same sin. Don't live in the shadow of guilt that is no longer warranted!

One more thing; if you've given forgiveness to someone for an offense, Don't hang it over their head. Let the wonderful forgiveness and mercy wash over you both and enjoy the healing =)

Tax Season Gift

I hate Tax Season. My husband is a tax account. So from February till April 15 I call myself a widow.  The first year we were married it wasn't so bad, we didn't have kids yet. Now that we have 3 girls, I call my self a single parent. He gets home just in time to help tuck them into bed. They go CRAZY when he gets home. My parenting starts to slack. I don't feel like cleaning. We end up using a lot of paper plates. Wait, why am I complaining!? This is titled Tax Season Gift!? Ok here is the gift...

For years I've been saying I need to be better about praying. I could go days (and days) without even thinking about it. I don't rely on God the way I should, even when I'm participating in a bible study or doing good with my quiet times. I've always just had a hard time. So (when I thought about it) I'd pray that I would start praying like I need to. I prayed that I would NEED God to be apart of my every moments. I did not know what I was praying for. Are you all shaking your head at me right now right? It's just as bad as praying for patience or humility. You are going to get it alright!!! 

This Tax Season has been especially hard. A couple of Saturdays ago I was literally on the floor of my closet crying. Then I started crying out to God. And I haven't stopped. He has reminded me daily, some days hourly to call out to him. He has been my strength through numerous trials. Every morning I have my alarm set 10 minutes before I have to get up. I've been doing this for months. Well lately I've been using that 10 minutes to pray before I even get out of bed. Even if the girls have all climbed in bed with me.

I always thought that you had to be on your knees, alone, in the quiet of your closet in order to pray and to hear his answer. But as I read 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Pray without ceasing,

I realized it didn't say Cease and Pray. I don't have to stop doing dishes or folding laundry to ask for help, strength or self control.

So now that I know why I am going through this season of strife, I can surely endure it. I am actually appreciative of this hardship. I don't know if God will always let me know the reason I am going through something difficult. BUT I know I can trust him. And now that I am a Pro Pray-er in the making I can handle anything!